Saturday, January 28, 2012

My Deepest Fear

Tonight was quite an interesting night full of ups and downs and in the end an amazing lesson to be learned. For quite a while I have felt insecure because of my looks and my weight. Tonight those fears and feelings of being insecure rose to the surface once again. I have always tried to work hard, be a kind person, and do the will of my Heavenly Father but so often people do not see that in me, they only see my physical appearance and then dont bother looking down past the surface. Once again I was passed over, I was hurt and I felt like no one understood me. I wondered why..  Why I had prayed for help to lose weight and become beautiful with no answer. Why was it that Heavenly Father would not help me with this one thing I have wanted so much. I have worked for it and have tried so hard to change but it seemed as though all my prayers and pleadings were going unanswered then these words came to my mind and it was as though Heavenly Father had put these words straight into my very soul...
 "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."
I am a child of my Heavenly Father and I am exactly who he wants me to be. He made me this way for some reason I do not know, but do I need to know? No. I am a brilliant, gorgeous, and talented daughter of God. I will no longer shrink, I will stand and shine because I am who I am meant to be, and being me is wonderful. My deepest fear is no longer that  I am inadequate... My deepest fear is that I am powerful beyond measure. Heavenly Father has many lessons for each of us to learn daily. He truly does LOVE us and does what is best. He knows the power we have the potential of yielding. He puts us in places where we can grow and become future rulers in his kindgom. He knows that we are powerful beyond measure.

Saturday, January 21, 2012

Your Not Alone

Today my mother came to Logan to visit and look at apartments with me for next fall. We looked at a few apartments but none of them really felt right to me. The more we looked the more I began to realize that it wasn't the apartments that I wasn't liking, it was the feeling of having to start over again. Two of my roommates are moving to an apartment that I know isn't right for me at this time so I'm going off on my own once again. As we looked I felt lonely and quite scared. I began to think about my Heavenly Father and wondering why his plan for me was different than my own. I started to begin to wonder if he was listening to my prayers and if he knew what I wanted. But like so many times before when I begin to doubt and feel like he is not listening to me, the powerful, calm voice inside my head whispers to me and tells me that he is there and that he cares. I conveyed my feeling to my Mother who always has some wonderful words of advice to bring comfort.  I told her how I felt I was drawing away from my Father in Heaven, even though I was trying my hardest to grow closer to him. My mom pointed out the fact that just because we are doing the right things does not guarantee that we will be immediately rewarded, in reality most of the the time our blessings come much later. Heavenly Father has is own plan and we need to align our will with his and realize that we aren't alone, I am not alone and I am not the only one that has a plan for myself. In fact, I'm positive that Heavenly Father has a plan for me that can take me places I could never imagine without him. My Heavenly Father loves me, I am his daughter and he will watch over me. He does not leave us alone he will always be there all you must do to see him is simply bring your knees to the ground and I promise he will be there.

Sunday, January 8, 2012

New Beginnings

Tomorrow I start over, I get a new beginning, a second chance. This past semester I discovered that I was definitely not meant to be a music major. It all started a year ago, all the applying for different colleges, auditioning, and waiting. On the inside I always believed that Utah State was where I was meant to be so there was no hesitation when I prayed and I received my answer. After Scholarship auditions for the music program I continued to pray and recieved the answer that I was suppose to be a music major. As the semester progressed I discovered I was miserable, I had never been so unhappy. I was lost wondering why Heavenly Father sent me to Utah State to be a music major when what resulted was a horrible semester full of struggles and barriers. The past few weeks I reflected upon everything I learned about myself and realized that Heavenly Father knew exactly what he was doing when he sent me here to be a music major. I learned lessons about life and about me that I couldn't have learned anywhere else. Tomorrow Heavenly Father is giving me a new beginning at Utah State, a chance to be true to who I am. Tomorrow is the day I begin my journey to become a nurse, my lifelong dream. I know Heavenly Father has put me on this path for a reason just like he has done so many times before. I know he is there for me and will always help me. Heavenly Father has given me hope for a fresh start. He gives us all hope to start clean, we must always remember that it is never to late to have a new beginning, a fresh start but one that we will still carry all our previous life lessons through. We go through adversity so we can carry everything we learn to a new place, a new beginning. Tomorrow is my new beginning, one that will not be faced alone.